BOOK REVIEW - "YOU'RE NOT ENOUGH (AND THAT'S OKAY): ESCAPING THE TOXIC CULTURE OF SELF-LOVE" BY ALLIE BETH STUCKEY

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I've always dreamed of being the starting center for an NBA team - being 65 years old, 5'6", and having no shooting skills shouldn't keep me from that dream, right? You're not going to tell me I can't fulfill my dream, are you? I mean, that could damage my self-esteem! 

Journalist/Podcaster Allie Beth Stuckey's debut book, "You're not enough (and that's okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self Love" addresses five thoughts she considers lies:

1. "You are enough."
2. "You  determine your truth."
3. "You're perfect the way you are."
4. "You're entitled to your dreams."
5. "You can't love others until you love yourself."

By the way, am I the only one who notices each of those things start with one's self, not with God? They also all sound good to the ear, encouraging self-sufficency, self-determination, self-esteem, and other things like selfishness? But what if we approach it as what does the Bible say, we say that Jesus teaches following Him includes denying self (Matthew 16:24; Mark 8:34; Luke 9:23) and hating your family and your own life in contrast to loving Him (Luke 14:26)? 

My impression is the intended audience are young women, and I don't fit that group either gender wise or age wise. However, it resonated with the self-centered view of the world and looking at my own experience. No, I never dreamed of being an NBA starting center. However, I did have dreams of having a novel published. I also remember talking to a promoter of a self-publishing group who in her pitch made the following arguments: 

1. "I wrote it, so it deserves to be published." (I've written two novels, and the first definitely did not deserve to be published.)
2. "If I sign up with the self-publishers, I get 100% of what my books sell." (Actually, not true - I pay them before the book is published, not afterwards as I would with traditional publishing.)

You notice that the emphasis on both arguments? And this was with a self-publisher of Christian books, but no mention on if God wanted the book published.

Allie points out in dealing with the last one that the Biblical command to love one another as we love ourselves is not a command to love ourselves but assumes we love ourselves. After all, we eat what we enjoy instead of what makes our stomachs curl, unless it is non-appetizing healthy food to make ourselves better. After all, there is plenty of middle ground between self-loving and self-loathing.

If I had a daughter between 12 and 42 (any older than this and she'd be at the time of writing too old to be my daughter), I would purchase this book for them, encourage them to read it, and suggest she and her mother have conversations about the things dealt with in this book. (I would have that conversation with my son if I had a son between that age. And it will be 13 years at least before I have a child within that range.) I highly appreciate and recommend this book.

 

BOOK REVIEW - LIVE YOUR TRUTH AND OTHER LIES: EXPOSING POPULAR DECEPTIONS THAT MAKE US ANXIOUS, EXHAUSTED, AND SELF-OBSESSED BY ALISA CHILDERS

 

Have you tried "living your truth", putting yourself first, believing you're enough, rejecting any form of judgment and still find yourself empty, unfulfilled, and directionless? Is it because you aren't trying enough? Or is it that those concepts guarantee that emptiness and scatteredness?

Alisa Childers - former Zoe Girl, daughter of Jesus Music pioneer Chuck Girard, and author of the excellent book Another Gospel? looks at several cliches like the ones I've mentioned in her book Live Your Truth And Other Lies: Exposing Popular Deceptions That Make Us Anxious, Exhausted, and Self-Obsessed.

In reading this, there is a common thread between the cliches she deals with: they all focus on ourselves. But what we're designed to be more fulfilled when we focus on God and those around us rather than ourselves?

I enjoyed Childers accounting of the movie "Armageddon", and asked how the movie - and our reaction to it - would differ if instead of sacrificing himself to save the world, the character put himself first? It's interesting that we naturally respect those who put others first, but we want to hear that we should look out for number 1.

Two blessings in this book: One was where she mentioned her Zoe Girl bandmates confronted her on self-destructive behavior, and she states that she is thankful for their "judging her" and getting her on the right track. The other was when she mentioned a couple of dreams she gave up. I can relate, because I had dreams of becoming a musician (probably not a singer with my voice, but definitely as a song-writer), a novelist, and a Pastor. Thus far (I'm now 63), those dreams are all unfulfilled. But that doesn't mean I have any reason to be unfulfilled as a result.

As in Another Gospel?, Childers uses humor effectively to make reading a book on serious matters enjoyable. I highly recommend this book.