BOOK REVIEW - "YOU'RE NOT ENOUGH (AND THAT'S OKAY): ESCAPING THE TOXIC CULTURE OF SELF-LOVE" BY ALLIE BETH STUCKEY

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I've always dreamed of being the starting center for an NBA team - being 65 years old, 5'6", and having no shooting skills shouldn't keep me from that dream, right? You're not going to tell me I can't fulfill my dream, are you? I mean, that could damage my self-esteem! 

Journalist/Podcaster Allie Beth Stuckey's debut book, "You're not enough (and that's okay): Escaping the Toxic Culture of Self Love" addresses five thoughts she considers lies:

1. "You are enough."
2. "You  determine your truth."
3. "You're perfect the way you are."
4. "You're entitled to your dreams."
5. "You can't love others until you love yourself."

By the way, am I the only one who notices each of those things start with one's self, not with God? They also all sound good to the ear, encouraging self-sufficency, self-determination, self-esteem, and other things like selfishness? But what if we approach it as what does the Bible say, we say that Jesus teaches following Him includes denying self (Matthew 16:24; Mark 8:34; Luke 9:23) and hating your family and your own life in contrast to loving Him (Luke 14:26)? 

My impression is the intended audience are young women, and I don't fit that group either gender wise or age wise. However, it resonated with the self-centered view of the world and looking at my own experience. No, I never dreamed of being an NBA starting center. However, I did have dreams of having a novel published. I also remember talking to a promoter of a self-publishing group who in her pitch made the following arguments: 

1. "I wrote it, so it deserves to be published." (I've written two novels, and the first definitely did not deserve to be published.)
2. "If I sign up with the self-publishers, I get 100% of what my books sell." (Actually, not true - I pay them before the book is published, not afterwards as I would with traditional publishing.)

You notice that the emphasis on both arguments? And this was with a self-publisher of Christian books, but no mention on if God wanted the book published.

Allie points out in dealing with the last one that the Biblical command to love one another as we love ourselves is not a command to love ourselves but assumes we love ourselves. After all, we eat what we enjoy instead of what makes our stomachs curl, unless it is non-appetizing healthy food to make ourselves better. After all, there is plenty of middle ground between self-loving and self-loathing.

If I had a daughter between 12 and 42 (any older than this and she'd be at the time of writing too old to be my daughter), I would purchase this book for them, encourage them to read it, and suggest she and her mother have conversations about the things dealt with in this book. (I would have that conversation with my son if I had a son between that age. And it will be 13 years at least before I have a child within that range.) I highly appreciate and recommend this book.

 

INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR JANET SKETCHLEY

 

JR: Who would you call your writing heroes, the authors (fiction, non-fiction, prose, poetry/lyrics) that sparked your interest in writing?

JS: Wow, this question brought back some fond reading memories, so thank you! Probably Lucy Maud Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables, etc.) was the first to inspire the wonder of story and the desire to write when I was young. As an adult, Linda Hall’s Christian suspense showed me where my stories might fit, and Timothy Zahn’s twist endings continue to challenge me to dig deeper in my plotting. Then there are lyrical writers like Amanda Dykes, who inspire me to mine for strong word choices.

JR: Could you tell us about the Green Dory Mystery Series, and in particular the latest installment, "Bitter Truth?" (I'm pretty good at predicting if authors/musicians want to talk about their latest release.)

JS: New releases are like new babies—of course we want to talk about them! (I have a new granddaughter, too, so I’m doubly dangerous to be around these days.) Landon Smith is a 24-year-old survivor of human trafficking as a teen. After years of therapy, counselling, and prayer, she describes herself as, “I’m healed, I’m being healed, I will be healed.” This series brings her back to the seaside town of Lunenburg, Nova Scotia (Canada) to help a friend in need: Anna Smith, widowed owner of The Green Dory Inn.

Bitter Truth is book 3 in the series. Against all odds, Landon and her ordinary-hero neighbour Bobby Hawke survived a murderous plot six weeks ago. Now, she’s determined to leave solving mysteries to the experts. But when her friend Ciara is nearly killed in a daring daylight attack, Landon can’t sit this out. Not when she knows the anger of being a victim.

Her faith tells her to leave room for God’s vengeance. Her heart says to retaliate. The fight to expose Ciara’s enemy will uncover secrets and betrayal that could cost Landon her life.

JR: I also noticed you've written some devotionals. Would you like to share about them? Also, does your fiction inspire any of the devotionals (or vice versa)?

JS: I blogged a weekly devotional for years, many of which I eventually updated and compiled into daily devotional books: a year-long one and one for December. They came out of my daily quiet time with the Lord, and they’re conversational-style musings on Bible verses that impacted me. So while I can’t say any of them came from my fiction, and my fiction starts with a plot idea rather than theme, I’m sure the devotionals have at times influenced the spiritual threads in my fiction.

JR: With a common language, a neighboring border, shared culture - I remember the Canadian comic For Better and For Worse, and one of my favorite bands is Canadian (The Daniel Band) - and mission groups considering it a home field, I sometimes forget Canada is technically a different country. Are there benefits or frustrations being a Canadian author?

JS: When I was looking for a traditional publisher, they were all US-based. Many a Canadian author was encouraged to relocate their setting from Canada into the Northern States to make it marketable. I guess I could have done that, but there are more differences between Maine and Nova Scotia than I know. I’m sure it would have been obvious to readers. I did find a small publisher who accepted my first novel (mostly Canadian settings), but when that publisher closed and I turned to independent publishing, the first thing I did was reclaim my Canadian spelling to publish a second edition. Most Canadian authors use US spelling to keep things simpler, but it mattered to me. Chief benefit for indie Canadian authors: we get ISBNs for free. Side note: I still read For Better or For Worse in our newspaper.

JR: On your web-site, you have a tab for reviews you've done of fiction, non-fiction, and music/videos. I'd like to focus on one book in particular you've reviewed: Battle for the Soul of Canada by Ed Hird. Could you tell us a little bit about this book, and anything that people in the lower 48 could learn from?

JS: I can’t tell you as much as I’d like, because it’s been years since I read the book! But I’d say readers who are battling in prayer for the United States would find much of the content transferable. Building from 1 and 2 Timothy, Battle for the Soul of Canada emphasizes the importance of raising strong and effective Christian leaders. Rev. Ed Hird’s key point that I quoted in my review is that “the key to renewing the soul of Canada — and the heart of this book — is to be found in raising up Timothys”. That message is relevant for any nation. Ed and his wife Janice have written other books since then, and readers will find more details at edhird.com.

JR: Thank you for your time. Anything else you'd like to update us? How can we keep in touch with you?

JS: Thanks for inviting me to your blog, Jeffrey. You’ve asked some fun questions. My internet home is my website, where I post book reviews and details about my books, and I have an author page on Facebook. Readers who enjoy Christian mystery/suspense fiction are invited to sign up for my author newsletter or to follow me on BookBub for sale and new release alerts.

And speaking of new releases: Bitter Truth releases March 29, 2022. Interested readers might like to know that the ebook versions are currently discounted to $2.99USD for a preorder special, and the print books are (shh…) actually already available through Amazon. Buy links to various online stores are all collected here: books2read.com/bitter-truth.

Self-Promotion: Pride, A Necessary Evil, Or A Ministry Opportunity?

In a paper written by my friend Robert Roberg titled "The Hidden Danger of Art", the first thing he mentioned is the self-promotion that is involved, when Christians should focus on others and God.

At Taylor University's Professional Writers Conference a month ago, my friend James Watkins gave a different point of view when he stated, "The first two letters of 'message' is 'me.'"

Over the decades, I've heard Christians debate the issues of self-esteem and self-love. One quote I've heard is you need to love yourself before you can love your neighbor as yourself. Others say that when Scripture talks about self, it doesn't use words like "love" and "esteem" but rather "control", "deny", and "crucify."

It is important to remember Proverbs 27:2: "Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger, and not your own lips." 

Today we see politicians promoting themselves. That wasn't the norm in the past. In the 1800's, few presidential candidates did not do as much speaking on their own behalf, and those that did always lost. While William Jennings Bryan was running himself ragged going to the crowds in the 1896 campaign, William McKinley stayed home where the crowds came to his house to hear him. Things are different now, but are they better?

Likewise, nowadays self-publishing or releasing your own music project is more common than it was a few decades ago. I remember getting a call from a self-publishing company where the saleslady repeated two primary points - 1) the book I wrote needs to be published, and 2) self-publishing allows me to keep 100% of the profits. (Never mind that I spend my money upfront so a percentage still goes to the publisher.)

But is all self promotion pride? Let's go back to Proverbs 27:2. Notice the word is "praise". We're not to praise ourselves. If we're stating that our book is the best song ever written, then we're stepping over the line. But if we feel we're supposed to communicate something, we have the opportunity, the privilege, the mandate to get the message out. Everybody came to McKinley's house. If they're not coming to yours, you need to go and promote the message.

Now, is the message God's message or ours? The answer should be yes. There are times we feel God's direction. But I've heard songwriters say, "I didn't write this song, God did." Well, He may have guided the composer in writing it, but God used the writer's language, vocabulary, and music style in writing it. 

I read James Scott Bell tell about aspiring writers saying, "I could never write like (insert name of famous author)." Bell replies, "No, you can't write like them. And they can't write like you." Moving from arts to ministry, I get blown away by apologists like Gary Habermas, Francis Schaeffer, and Ravi Zacharias and think that I can't defend the faith like they do. But God has enabled me to contend for truth the way Jeffrey C. Reynolds does.

We need to remember the focus is on the message, not the messenger. But that doesn't mean the messenger should not give his best. Plus, the messenger needs to deliver the message for it to be heard.

What message has God given you to share? What can you do to allow the message to be heard?